


Hold You in My Arms

by natashaseyebrows



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Brooding, Cuddles, F/F, Fluff, Fluffy Angst, Hollstein - Freeform, angsty angst, first drabble but might do more if anyone is interested, vampire biology
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 16:27:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8063623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natashaseyebrows/pseuds/natashaseyebrows
Summary: A quiet moment where a few things are learned and a decision is made.Just two people starting to learn what being in love can be like.





	

**Author's Note:**

> No smut here but there could be.  
> Just two dorks, one learning things about the other and one learning more about herself.  
> This is sort of a one-shot but could become many one-shots or a multi chapter fic if people want it to be.

One of the first times you get to share a quiet, intimate moment together you notice an interesting expression on her face while she rests her head on your chest. You can practically hear the cogs turning in her mind, mulling over something.  


After a few more minutes of patiently waiting for, what you are sure must be burning questions she has thought up, you gently nudge her shoulder.  
She quietly admits that she has been wondering how it is that you have a heartbeat and a relatively strong one at that. She tells you that she has always been led to believe that vampires had no heartbeats and therefore also had no need to breathe.  


You tell her a half-truth by telling her you breathe out of habit sometimes, to blend in, and that it also helps you stay alerted of your surroundings. Telling her the full truth in this moment would feel like too deep of a revelation too soon.  


You lie to her by telling her all vampire hearts beat this way, at a rate much like a human's heart at complete rest. An innocent lie told only to protect that part of you that refuses to remain undead, the part of you that is still an 18-year-old girl. One that is afraid to be made a fool for feeling too much too soon.  


You don't reveal to her just then that this is your heart rate only when she is so close to you. Only when you think about the fact that Laura makes you feel so much. She has you experiencing emotions you did not realize you could still feel so strongly, so genuinely. When you are with her, your mind and body feel more alive than they have in ages. In more ways than you dare to think about too much just yet.  


Another thing you do not reveal is that vampires your age do not need to feed as frequently as your feeding schedule might have led her to believe. It is due to your body's attempts to come alive, only for her, that it requires more sustenance.  


You do not tell her that this recent change in your vampiric metabolism will take some adjusting on your part. Laura has proven to be as at ease about that aspect of your vampirism as you could have wished for, but you can't help that occasional twinge of shame that still plagues you.  


You don't understand why you only feel it when feeding in her presence. Maybe a small part of you still feels a hint of guilt about the one time you drank from her without her full consent. Perhaps you believe that in some strange way it might make her believe that you lack self-control around her and frighten her. Or maybe part of you, that obstinate 18 year old you are fated to physically remain eternally, fears rejection from someone you admire. Because you really do admire this tiny, endearingly strong willed, beautifully flawed girl who is willingly snuggled up to you.  


Even if you are almost entirely certain that you will never intentionally hurt her physically, even in an altered state of mind, you admire her bravery. Or fear for her lack of a self-preservation instinct when it comes to cuddling a potentially lethal creature. Either way, you get a feeling that you will admire and treasure this beautiful human life more than anything before and it frightens you quite a bit. Because finding someone worth saving has meant caring for someone, something greater than the world you've known.  


Caring about and for her will mean having to face the things you spent decades running from, the things that made you too soft for the type of unlife you were born into. But perhaps what made you weak in the world you knew before will be your strength in this world you hope to explore with her.  


She pats your side softly, gently pulling you away from your thoughts, asking why your breaths and heartbeat have become nearly nonexistent now. You realize you've stopped breathing for long enough to halt your heart's movements, too deeply invested in your thoughts to play ‘human'. You apologize for worrying her and resume the ‘act', for her comfort, mainly. Her face lights up and she lets you know what a neat ‘trick' that is, your heart gives a few extra solid beats when you see her smile.  


It is abundantly clear to you now that your heart has made a decision for you. This is it; she is the one it has chosen to nearly live again for. Even if you had a choice, you would still choose her. You realize then and there that for Laura, you’d brave any obstacles that could come your way. You refuse to even consider calling it love, not yet at least, surely that'd be foolishly childish of you. And yet…

**Author's Note:**

> (I'm a painter not a writer.)


End file.
